Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
