I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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