I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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