who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
