She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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