id be glad to
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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