that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hell yes lets make some ravioli
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
