Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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