For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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