Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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