My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
