Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
