found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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