Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
In America we eat man semen.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
