He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
