Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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