It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
