Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
