I'm lost and stupid without you.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
