EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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