did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
