Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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