he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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