don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
