My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
