Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
