You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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