Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
