oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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