i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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