Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
