so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
