I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
