Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't deserve a penis
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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