My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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