So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
