i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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