if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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