are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
