The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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