Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
