dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
