fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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