watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
