this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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