she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I cut my penus on the lid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
