So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
