I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
