We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
