I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
