I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
