i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
