So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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