Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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